Selfless Cellist Check Herself At Gate, Gives Seat To Instrument
NEW YORK—A young cellist has been hospitalized after sustaining life-threatening injuries onboard a Spirit Airlines flight from Chicago O’Hare to New York (LGA).
The nightmare began for Soyoung Grace Li, of Bethesda, ML, as she waited in line to board at her gate. A Spirit airlines employee confronted Ms. Li after noticing a large plastic case protruding from her back, and citing space constraints on the aircraft, demanded the cellist check her luggage.
Ms. Li, who says she usually buys an extra seat for her cello but could not afford to this time, was hoping her cello could be stowed in a closet in the plane’s cabin. Spirit employees denied this possibility. Fearing for her cello’s safety, and aware of the many horror stories of instruments being damaged aboard aircrafts, Ms. Li requested to check herself instead. To her surprise, the Spirit employees accepted Ms. Li’s proposal.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time, I’m very protective of my instrument,” Ms. Li said in an interview from her hospital bed. “I mean, my cello is worth $1.2 million. And I’m worth . . . well, I don’t really know how much people cost but it’s probably not that much.”
As her cello was escorted to its seat aboard the aircraft by flight attendants, Ms. Li was hoisted up and slung over the shoulder of a baggage handler while a second carried her legs. The two handlers marched her to a designated screening zone at the foot of the plane, where she underwent a routine baggage inspection.
“I kept telling them that I wasn’t a suitcase, that I was a human being with feelings and that besides I had already gone through security,” Ms. Li said. “But they just ignored me, and insisted on a full cavity search. Do they really think I was hiding a bomb in there or something?”
Following the inspection, TSA employees tied her hands and feet together with a nylon cable and duct-taped her mouth shut before a third baggage handler grabbed her by the ponytail and dragged her up the ramp into the belly of the aircraft where the passengers’ luggage is stowed during the flight. She was then flung sidearm atop a pile of suitcases, like a rag doll.
“I don’t get why any of that was necessary,” said Ms. Li. “I only weigh 103 pounds and besides I’m pretty sure I could have just walked there on my own.”
The baggage handlers and TSA representatives declined to comment.
During the two-and-a-half hour flight, Ms. Li sustained several serious injuries while being tossed violently among the passengers’ luggage. In addition to lacerations to her body and a broken neck, the unregulated temperature caused cracked lips and skin, according to medical reports.
As she was being battered beneath the cabin, Ms. Li’s instrument was receiving first-class service. The cello was polished, restrung, and her bow received a complimentary fresh coat of rosin. It even got to visit the cockpit where the copilot, an amateur cellist himself, tried his hand at the First Bach Suite over the PA system to the delight of the more than a hundred passengers, just as the aircraft had begun its initial descent. The unexpected turbulence resulting from the negligent co-pilot’s impromptu cello recital caused further injury to Ms. Li: head trauma, split seams, and a snapped G String.
When the plane finally arrived at LaGuardia Airport in New York City, Ms. Li lay face-down underneath a pair of heavy-duty Samsonites. Her disfigured body was transported to the baggage claim, where she came tumbling down the ramp to the base of the conveyor belt, unconscious. Paramedics rushed her to Roosevelt Hospital where she remains in critical but stable condition. She is scheduled to undergo tests for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome beginning next week.
Shocked and dismayed, her cello reportedly witnessed the scene from a distance at the baggage claim, emitting a doleful pizzicato hymn on its bass strings. The 320-year-old Stradivarius is now looking for a new owner.
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Note: Submediant is a satirical segment within The Backyard (see: the logo), and its contents should not be mistaken for real events—however believable.
Tags: airlines, cello, humor, submediant, traveling with instruments
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[...] And you know when something is approaching critical mass when it starts to inspire parity. Case in point, the wonderfully barbed satire from the 12/31/2012 edition of The Yard in the form of a spoof news article that proclaims Selfless Cellist Check Herself At Gate, Gives Seat To Instrument. [...]
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Horrible story..I cant believe that even 1.2 mln $ cello could cost more than smbd’s life. She had to buy hugh quality thermo case and put it to baggage part of plane
are you serious? ..no, you can’t be that dense….right?!
wait… is it for real?? and if yes, is the airline still running? i mean…. nobody has sued the hell out of these unbelievable monsters?
note the disclaimer: Note: Submediant is a satirical segment within The Backyard (see: the logo), and its contents should not be mistaken for real events—however believable.
however, given that the airline is spirit, i can understand the confusion. the give away was the line about giving the cello first class service, as if spirit has a clue what that means. :7)
How can this happen!?!? So so sad that we live in a world where something like this would happen! That Airline should be ashamed. frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a huge lawsuit. Hopefully the courts hold these CRIMINALS accountable. I am sickened to hear this!!!! Uhg…That poor girl….
The comments are almost as rich as the parody. It is a sad commentary on the airline industry that some people don’t realize their leg is getting pulled.
I like the part about the snapped G string. That must have hurt.
this whole paragraph sent me over – brilliant!
“As she was being battered beneath the cabin, Ms. Li’s instrument was receiving first-class service. The cello was polished, restrung, and her bow received a complimentary fresh coat of rosin. It even got to visit the cockpit where the copilot, an amateur cellist himself, tried his hand at the First Bach Suite over the PA system to the delight of the more than a hundred passengers, just as the aircraft had begun its initial descent. The unexpected turbulence resulting from the negligent co-pilot’s impromptu cello recital caused further injury to Ms. Li: head trauma, split seams, and a snapped G String.”
Clearly the case should have been used for the cellist, not the cello. It sounds as if she would have fit just fine and would not have needed the duct tape and her g-string would have stayed in place.
HAHA A violinist myself this was humerous. No this “incident” was NOT real. I mean putting a person in cargo wouldn’t even be legal. And the restrining of the cello…nice touch, but NO one would touch a 1.2 million Strad unless they no what they’re doing. Very well done.
Wow! This is not real! It is a made up story! Can’t be real! In other countries… yes, but not here! Can’t be true! Is it?
certainly not here – not were, for all purpose and intent, those detained for reasons of ‘national security’, may be ‘legally’ ‘tortured’ – but not to get valued intel, only useful propaganda to further promote the phony Global War OF Terror – making a patsy ‘say what you want’ isn’t always easy and if getting it requires ‘torture’… appears more real, authentic, valuable… the ‘real deal’, e.g.,
if causal readers at a blog like this are so easily taken in by such a silly story, image how easy is the job of global intelligence networks when it comes to pulling off mass blackops/psyops, e.g., 9/11 coup d’etat sold as Islamoterrorism
This is awful, I can’t believe people are acting like it’s a joke. This airline should be shut down, I will make sure nobody I care about ever flies with Spirit. The cavity search and duct tape seem more like an act of sadism than of practicality. I’m disgusted at the flippant attitude of other commenters.
Dude…it is a joke, this is a satirical article. Unless you already know that and are just further sustaining the hilarity…in that case, well done!
The many comments rife with serious incredulity at this story have truly undermined my faith in humanity. To seriously question the moral compass in this story as if it were a legitimate piece of journalism is sad. Just sad.
oh. my. god. I have heard about this happening for foreign countries. Such a tragedy that our country has come to this. Can’t believe they would actually play her instrument while she was down there practically suffocating. That girl deserves her day in court for that kind of brutality! Why are we arguing if this is true or not?!?! This is just so sad…
C’mon. This isn’t real. Everyone knows that Strad cellos are worth way more that $1.2 mil. Was this from 1976?
Being a medical student I didn’t find it particularly nice to joke about a story like this. It’s not funny neither a good joke for that matter, and despite the fact that the disclaimer was posted, the person who wrote that story has very nasty humour.
certainly not here – not where, for all purpose and intent, those detained for reasons of ‘national security’, may be ‘legally’ ‘tortured’ – but not to get valued intel, only useful propaganda, to further promote the phony Global War OF Terror – making a patsy ‘say what you want’ isn’t always easy and if getting it requires ‘torture’… appears more real, authentic, valuable… the ‘real deal’, e.g., ZERO DARK THIRTY, in which Ms. Bigelow appears to be trying for the Leni Riefenstahl Lifetime Achievement Award
if causal readers at a blog like this are so easily taken in by such a silly story, image how easy is the job of global intelligence networks when it comes to pulling off mass blackops/psyops, e.g., 9/11 coup d’etat sold as Islamo-terrorism
Why do so many people take this so damn seriously? Are people out of their minds??? Or are these people also making satire comments here as well?? This site is only for humour, and is not New York Times.
I don’t get the logo. They use the dominant and then the tonic… No sub mediant.
Oh never mind… It’s a deceptive cadence. Wow that’s super clever!
Is there a Pulitzer given for satire? Congrats on this witty article! I just can’t quite believe the number of people who seem to take this seriously. We desperately need a course called “Irony, Satire and Parody 101.”
Thanks again for the laugh. Well done!
Are you serious! The story is laughable. Perhaps possible but come on do you believe this tail!?! ROLF